Language and grammar

I am not a prescriptivist, but that doesn't mean I love and equally appreciate all language. Some things grate on me. That doesn't mean I think they should be done away with, but it means they aren't easily ignored. I am more tolerant of grammatical differences when they don't appear to be merely stylistic differences. In other words, so-called "bad" grammar is not so annoying to me unless it is stylistically bad. By style, I refer to those types of matters addressed by Strunk & White in Elements of Style (many of which, inevitably, related to grammar).

All that aside, however, I do have some pet peeves about habits that reveal a painful disregard for grammatical and stylistic consistency. The less there's logic to one's grammar, the more it grates on me. John Lennon saying "Me used to be angry young man" doesn't really give me much heart-burn, in part because I don't hear that much and so it seems quaint. But when I hear trends in bad grammar used in abundance and those trends are totally internally inconsistent, it really does jump out at me and, I admit, irritate me. I'm not saying this to imply that because it irritates me it must be bad. I'm simply openly acknowledging that I am flawed and that I immaturely react to someone's grammar by being irritated (there are other things I feel, including complete indifference, but I'm specifically addressing the irritating things here).

One of the most annoying is the inconsistent use of pronouns. "Bob and me went to the store" is totally inconsistent with "I went to the store." Either "Bob and I went" or "me went." Why does Bob going change the pronoun I use for myself? Some people sense that something is wrong, so they say instead "Bob and myself went to the store," which is really no better. The same people who say "Bob and me went" then say "The car hit Bob and I." Again, "The car hit me" and "The car hit Bob and I" are completely inconsistent. Why make "I" the direct object simply because Bob is thrown in there? And, again, some correct themselves by saying "The car hit Bob and myself." Oy.

What really takes it to whole new level of ridiculous is when this is extended to possessive pronouns. I hear frequently this construction: "Your yard looks great, but Bob and I's is a mess." Some of you will think I'm creating this, but I adjure that I hear it frequently. It could be regional, but I'm not so sure. I think we just ignore it and have trained ourselves just to understand the meaning and not notice the crime that has just been commited. It's a sort of logical extension--if you subscribe to the "always say 'I'" theory (and many do), then it doesn't take a great leap to converting the first person possessive pronoun "my" (or "mine" for that matter) into "I's." But who would say, "Stop! Don't take that! It's I's!"?

So the inconsistency really gets me. I admit that if I found someone who only had "I" in his vocabulary and used it always to me "I" or "me" or "myself" or whatever, then that's acceptable to me on some level. At least it's consistent.

Now I'm not saying that all language is internally consistent and logical. It's not. But we have conventions for usage (perhaps this is style) and I just like a world that's a little more conventional than what the above reveals.

I'm also not saying that I have perfect grammar and great style. I don't. I admit that. I also don't think that it's bad to have one standard for formal speech and another for colloquial speech. I certainly use different speech in different contexts. And I allow myself to use a "relaxed" grammar in familiar settings.

OK, enough of my rant. I'll list a few of my pet peeves that I've run across in recent days. This is not an exhaustive list of my pet peeves, mind you (oh, no, I'm way to peevish for that), but these are some ones that grate me that have come up in recent situations:

1. Confounding "to lay" and "to lie." This is so common as to amount quite possibly to a shift in definitions or style. I mean, when it's ten times more likely to be said the "wrong" way than the "right" perhaps our definition of "wrong" and "right" need to be flipped. Anyhow, a person doesn't "lay down" on the couch. "To lay" is more appropriate to a transitive context. "I will lay down this book." "Please stop laying eggs in the kitchen." (How's that for a fabulously ambiguous statement?) But when a person is lying down, he should lie down and not lay down. "It is time for me to lie down." "I'm going to lie down in the grass and enjoy this beautiful weather." I think the past tense creates some of the confusion: "Yesterday, I lay down in bed." Oh, well. I'll never cave in on this one.

2. The whole pronoun thing with me, my, he, him that I mentioned above. I often hear the "him and I" as in "She kicked him and I out of the library." Yuck. As a side-note, I read in a linguistics book years ago that you can't formally teach grammar to your kids, that it's been shown that they learn based on what they hear, not what they're told to do. I got so frustrated one day that I told my kids how to do the whole pronoun thing, and it's pretty rare for them to get it wrong (that was several years ago). So much for that theory. I'd be willing to say that pronouns cause more problems in grammar than anything else for native English speakers.

3. Past and past perfect stuff. Why is it so acceptable in English to get this wrong always? "I seen" and "I have saw" and "I had ate" and "we had forgot" and on and on. Ewww.

4. A rampant one in these parts comes up in the "should" and "might" and such contexts. Instead of "If I hadn't ruined my appetite, I might have been able to finish my supper," you get "If I hadn't ruined my appetite, I might a could finished my supper." What is that? I don't even know what that is! I think the "a" might be a "have" that is partially pronounced, which makes it "I might have could finished." Wow. You hear "shoulda could," "woulda could," etc. I think it's probably charming deep down, but it's a bit off-putting and it never slides by unnoticed.

5. Another one around here--and it's small--is that "I wish" always seems to be in the past tense: "I wished." As in "I wished I could go home early today." I'm not sure about this one--maybe I'm hearing some kind of vestigial "t" sound, maybe I'm making it up, but I could swear this is what is being said.

I should stop. I am not really so much peevish as uncomfortable with the whole thing. These things just always call out to me and perhaps it's an OCD thing or something, but I can't escape these things and just ignore them. I am honest when I say that I never miss these--I can't let them just slide by.

Oh, well. I'm sure this post is full of all sorts of stylistic and grammatical blunders, so I'll take the jousts in good stride. But I hope my point isn't lost along the way. What is my point, you ask? That I'm a really obnoxious person to be around.