Saturday, October 13, 2007

My non-shared environment

There is a theory of personality psychology that says (in rough terms) that the differences between siblings are fundamentally connected to their non-shared experiences (or non-shared environment). This almost seems axiomatic, but the implications are interesting. Experiences unique to a child do more to define that child's personality or psychopathology than those experiences shared with other children of the same parents. Unique experiences are powerful. It stands to reason, I believe, that the more homogeneous the experiences of a group of siblings, the more powerful the non-shared experiences are in determining differences in personality.

When I look at the six children in my parents' family--my three sisters and two brothers and myself--I see some definite similarities and definite differences. Considering that the only likely readers of this will be my relatives, I'm going to list some of my unique experiences that jump out at me as odd. I'm not sure the ones that strike me as odd are any more or less significant than ones that are so routine that I can't remember them, but they're the ones I remember and care to mention. I also don't pretend to know how these experiences make me different (if indeed they do have any measurable impact on me). I only list them because they are for whatever reason memorable to me. Why have I had some of these experiences, how did I get myself in to them, and why did I make the choices I did?

I doubt any of these are terribly interesting, but here they are anyhow. The sole criterion I rely on is that these experiences happened to me without any of my siblings present.

1. As a teen, I ran on the tracks down a dark tunnel late at night in the Paris subway, inches from the third rail (with high current) to avoid having to wait for the next train.

2. When I was five, I piled a huge amount of styrofoam against a certain hotel in a certain town in Switzerland and lit it on fire with matches I had taken from a box behind the concierge's desk. A man chastized me, but didn't stop me.

3. As an adult, a sweaty, stinky co-worker grabbed me from behind in a bear hug (we had been chasing a nerf basketball down the hall and he was caught in a frenzy of excitement apparently when I beat him to the ball). I was so repulsed that I turned around and punched him repeatedly in the stomach.

4. I missed the bus home as a sophomore in high school and rather than pay thirty cents to take the city bus, I walked 10 miles to my grandmother's house, where I asked her to drive me the last few miles home.

5. When I was about 8 or 9, I dropped my dues for Cub Scouts in tall grass on my way to den meeting and spent the whole meeting looking for the dues rather than go to the meeting. I never found them. The dues were a dime.

6. When I was 3 years old I witnessed my neighbors' house being robbed and gave a statement to the police.

7. When I was 10, I pushed my 6-year old neighbor on a space trolley and he fell about 15 feet and hit his head on some rocks and had to get stitches.

8. When I was 14 I piloted a large yacht across Long Island Sound in a storm.

9. When I was 14 or so, I walked home about .8 miles from my school bus stop with my eyes closed in rural part of the Tucson desert and opened my eyes to find three coyotes standing there staring at me--two in front and one behind.

10. When I was newly married, I hit and killed a javelina (peccary) with my car.

I just realized I have countless of these silly little experiences. Some are a little sad and I don't mention them, though those are sometimes perhaps the most profound psychologically (such as getting lost).

Maybe my dear relatives reading this are nodding their heads knowingly and saying to themselves, "Now I understand!" Perhaps they are also stroking their chins and squiting as they nod. In fact, there are all sorts of cliche behaviors they could be engaging in.

So, my question du jour: what cliche behavior are you engaging in at this very second? If none, please describe what cliche behavior you would be engaging in if you were engaging in cliche behavior.

9 comments:

trogonpete said...

One of my unique experiences was going to school in physics. This is why I know that rails containing high current aren't necessarily dangerous. I would have been much more worried if it carried a high voltage [which it probably did, but I'm just poking fun].

Being snotty feels oh, so good.

First Word said...

You're a snot only because you haven't done anything to educate me, but only pointed out my error. Thankfully, I can see the distinction, so I guess I'm ok. If _I_ were a snot, I'd go back and change my blog and delete your post, tronowgonereplacedbypete!

Katie Richins said...

My chin is resting on my hand, my elbow restin on the desk, and I'm pretending to listen, but really rolling my eyes when you look away. I'm also eating half of a miniature Snickers that S just stuffed in my mouth. How cliche can you get?

What's interesting to me is why those particular events stand out. And I also wonder why you wouldn't share sadder ones. And not only why they stand out, but what they mean to you, because that's where the weight is. We hear the events, but what do they mean? We can't assume we come up with a valid or meaningful interpretation.

And now I've been intereupted about a dozen times writing this, and I have to go, and I have no clue if I made sense or if there are a ton of typos.



Maybe it's because of the snot.

First Word said...

The sadder ones might hurt someone's feelings. And I might take myself too seriously.

I don't know why these ones. I think I chose them because they all were moments of truth that revealed character (flaws). By moment of truth, I mean those moments where you can't hide who you really are.

MandaMommy said...

I've come back here thinking about commenting several times, and without any snot, my cliche behavior is to lean my head to the right, squint my eyes, and scrunch my mouth up tight to the left. Can you picture it? I am wondering WHEN you punched your co-worker?

First Word said...

I can imagine it very vividly. Well done, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, oh ye master of physical descriptions.

To answer your second question: April 1995. The grossness made me snap. I still feel terrible.

Anonymous said...

My chin is resting on my hand, my elbow restin on the desk, and I'm pretending to listen, but really rolling my eyes when you look away. I'm also eating half of a miniature Snickers that L just stuffed in my mouth. How cliche can you get?

Etc.

M>

First Word said...

That is cliche to me--precisely what everyone does when I talk . . . or blog.

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I stumbled across your blog whilst researching Plomin and Daniels. Just thought i would let you know that i found your writings interesting and, at times, amusing.

Hope you don't mind my reading your blog (i feel like an intruder!).

regards
Sharon